Note: Please skip this entry if you are a sensitive aspie. The content of the article may seem insulting to you aspie readers. On reading this article, I highly doubt that it was written by an anonymous writer to buy fun for NTs.

BEWARE OF THE ALIEN LIFE FORM

I am prone to cruising the Internet, as many fellow aspies do, and often hear the comment that others feel they are on an alien planet - they kind of get the gist of conversation, they know the basics of culture and appropriate behavior, but never quite get the hang of it - a kind of permanent tourist if you will.

  Garden variety aspie

This cultural gap had me completely perplexed until my late teens when my love for precise analytical thinking was turned upon myself, and the social mores of this alien planet upon which I roam. Slowly I cam to realize why I had trouble with the indigenous peoples of this planet - they see me as self-centered, aloof, pedantic, unable to sustain eye contact, rigid, lacking spontaneity in social interaction, completely uninterested in their interests, and obsessively concerned with my own interests. In other words, I'm a pretty ordinary garden-variety case of Asperger's syndrome.

  Fun for all the family

I now know my family were incredibly supportive and copped heaps of shit from me. They were just reacting normally to my abnormal behavior, when I would borrow things without asking, or turn off the television as they watched it because the noise bugged me. Fun for all the family. Things changed dramatically when I got diagnosed as they suddenly could see why I was the way I was. But it's been a longer journey for me to see how poorly I've fitted into the family, let alone society.

  The employment merry-go-round

Unemployment has been par for the course over the years. I am intelligent and incredibly good at certain things, but I miss the big picture. So yes, I did an excellent business proposal, but "you missed the deadline I warned you about repeatedly, here are your marching orders". I just couldn't come to grips with fitting in with co-workers - either I insulted them, came across as an arrogant prick, or was labeled a misfit and subtly recommended for moving on to the boss.

Over the years, I constantly got similar jobs as I could maintain the polished exterior, but lost them rapidly when the aspie within emerged. Now I work part-time as a security guard. My PhD does not get used much in this line of work, but I can cope with the duties and not rub people up the wrong way. It’s hard to describe the anguish in this move, from professional high flyer to average Joe. For most of us, what we do for a crust is a substantial part of who we are, and this job shows how far I have fallen. Yet I know I am one of the very lucky ones who can actually still work.

  Relational disasters

Relationships were a disaster. Most women sensibly ran the other way at my clumsy attempts to bed them as soon as possible. I figure much of the trouble came from not seeing the world through their eyes, and partners were mainly there to meet my needs, although I genuinely thought I was still a caring kind of guy. Funny thing is that I've always been puzzled that people bother with the numerous hassles of a relationship. For me, it is more of a sexual outlet and there are plenty of alternatives for that which are cheaper emotionally and financially speaking!

I’ve resigned myself to being single, at least for the time being. I have enough self-awareness now to know how much I can hurt someone, and I know I need to work on my relationship abilities a lot more before inflicting myself on someone else.

  The self-esteem conundrum

Self-esteem suffers inversely proportionally to self-awareness. The more I become aware of how badly I fit in to this planet's culture, the worse I feel about myself. It is hard to work on becoming a 'better person' by their standards when you feel like shit about yourself in doing so. I figure this spiral of depression must be the same for many of us aspies. Ignorance is bliss, yet the key to better relationships with families, co-workers and friends is realizing what a prick you appear to be. Go figure.

So I'm on the “mild” end of the autistic spectrum according to a counselor I see. Mild? What a misnomer. At times I feel as if I am ripping apart the true 'me', to painfully put it back together to regain a mere shadow of my former self, in order to fit in a bit better. All that for a world where people don't say what they mean, a world constantly clammering away at me with visual, aural, tactile and olfactory overload, desperately encouraging new must-have changes to disrupt my comfortable routines.

Actually, my counselor is a great guy. He’s always had a thing for neuroscience, and we've been chatting about polite conversations and reading non-verbal language Last week, me at a party: You’d have to be a complete morn to vote for the xxxxx (leading political candidate). Polite shuffling of feet, lack of eye contact, moving away, so I follow them and continue my harangue – spot the problem!

  Message for family members

What can I say to husbands, wives, siblings, children, parents, employers or friends of someone on this 'mild' end of the autistic spectrum? If you’ve been putting up with some of the things I’ve mentioned, good on you. I’m getting a picture of the patience, selflessness and love required to handle the behavior, words and attitudes that can arise in people from another planet. Perhaps my story gives some insight to why you may not be thanked for your efforts – indeed, you may feel criticized, abused or rejected when you are being as supportive as possible. I hope the person you know at some point expresses their appreciation for all you have done for them, and begin the difficult task of reciprocating a little.

 Message to fellow aspies

And what can I say to my fellow immigrants to Earth? We all vary in our levels of self-awareness. We also vary in the degree of compromise we are willing to make between this two disparate cultures. If you find you’ve lost friends, alienated family, pissed off your neighbors yet believe they are all at fault, take a gentle but long look at yourself. If you do want those relationships to work, then some compromise is needed, and you can't expect them to do all the changing. On the other hand, you don't have to change if you don't want to.

  I went through an angry-young-man political phase where I firmly believed aspies had the right to stay as we are (and still do!). I thought the world should change and be more understanding, more aware of Asperger's (and I still do!). But in my mellow middle age, I can see that it's probably best to meet in the middle so nowadays I'm prepared to compromise.

  In a way it is like multiculturalism. An immigrant can come to this country and assimilate - learn the language, the culture, the social mores and slowly fit in to some extent, despite bigotry, racism and lack of understanding by others. The same immigrant can choose to not adapt - this is a human right - but he but shouldn't complain if his new neighbors choose to ignore him in return.

If you do make some compromises, read up on 'theory of mind' and practice seeing the world through non-autie eyes. Learn how to listen and share the interests of others. My personal key is to spend more time listening than talking now. If you take a real interest, people love to talk about themselves, and it gives you less chances of saying the wrong thing. Nowadays, I tend to be seen as a quiet person, bit of a loner, but good listener so worth having a chat with. Not exactly a charismatic role, but a far cry from the mind-fucked weirdo psycho-nut image from years gone by.

  Be gentle on yourself

Perhaps the final and greatest challenge is readjusting your expectations of yourself, and learning to like whichever identity you create for yourself. Be gentle with yourself and appreciate the effort you are making, even when others can’t see it.

 It’s worst for me at family get-togethers. My two brothers are there with perfect wives, jobs and children, with mum and dad doting on them all, engaging in warm humorous family ways. Then there is the sad but loving look reserved for me, the part-time security guard, living alone, struggling to fit in the conversation, looking awkward, trying to read non-verbal cues while the gift of effortlessly fitting in with others eludes my clumsy grasp to date.

Oh well. These challenges are the hardest things I’ve ever done in life, but frankly, what’s the alternative? In the words of one of my favorite musicians, Peter Garrett, it’s better to die on your feet than live on your knees! 

http://www.autism-help.org/story-adult-alien-aspergers.htm

_______________________________________

Do you have any idea who is the author of this article? I am feeling very upset and disappointed after reading this article. Especially the last sentence makes me want to commit a suicide. I've never been strongly influenced by an article like this one.

Many people think of Asperger as a disability, and I do in some ways. But Asperger is also very much a culture in that Asperger people have their own interests, values, and ways of communication, just as people in foreign countries do.

INTERESTS - While neurotypical interests may involve sports, ball games on television, neurotypical people's friends, etc., Asperger interests may involve interstate highways, TV call letters, airports, airline arrival and departure schedules, weather statistics, Gilligan's Island, different brands of cars, and so forth, just as Norwegian interests involve tales of trolls, giants, and gnomes, and Brazilian interests involve dancing the samba. Strictly speaking, many Asperger people don't fit in with groups of neurotypical people because of a lack of similar interests, just as North Americans many not fit well into societies in places like Iran, China, or Portugal.

LANGUAGE - Even though the official language of the Asperger populations of Canada and the United States is English, Asperger English and neurotypical English are two separate languages. Just as an English speaker may not fit into a country like China or Japan because he/she doesn't understand the language, an English-speaking Asperger may not relate well to English-speaking neurotypical people because of language incompatibility. The most difficult dialects of neurotypical English for Asperger people to learn are those spoken by college instructors, textbook writers, people who write instruction manuals, e.g., for operating computers, VCRs, etc., and business people (particularly those involved in government and law). Expecting an Asperger to understand those dialects is almost like expecting an English speaker to understand Finnish or Hungarian.

Another indication of neurotypical English being difficult for Asperger people is that some words and phrases are often not used to match their meanings. For example, "trimming" officially means cutting. However, when neurotypical people speak of "trimming" a Christmas tree, they mean decorating the Christmas tree. In addition, if a neurotypical woman says that her husband "brings home the bacon", she means that he earns enough money to buy food for the whole family; she doesn't mean that her husband buys bacon. As well, the neurotypical word "camp" may refer to a summer program that is entirely held in a city. There is no camping or even going out into the country. Many of these so-called "camps" are almost entirely indoors.

FOOD - Asperger cuisine may consist of white food, creamy food, or for the most part, bland food.

CLOTHING - The Asperger dress might include light, soft clothing, like sweat pants and rugby shirts.

VALUES - Probably the most important value of the Asperger culture is communicating with people like oneself. While Asperger people may communicate poorly with neurotypical people, they communicate very well with each other, because they speak in the same language and share similar interests. We Aspergers do not need neurotypical people to teach us social skills. We just need opportunities to communicate with each other so we can have close friends just like everyone else!

The following is a list of suspected Aspergers from TV and movies.

FRED ("LITTLE MAN") TATE - A seven-year-old genious in Cincinatti, Ohio, who did not fit into the neurotypical world. However, he related beautifully with other people like himself.

GILLIGAN ("GILLIGAN'S ISLAND) - The bumbling first mate on the S.S. Minnow, who was also literal-minded in a humourous way. Many episodes of the show brought the castaways on the brink of rescue from the deserted island, but Gilligan would inadvertantly foil up their plans.

FOREST GUMP - Known for excelling at certain things and being very poor in others.

SCHROEDER (from the "Peanuts" comic strip) - Known for his amazing ability to perform classical music and spending all his waking time with his toy piano.

CHARLIE BROWN - Known for his passiveness and his inability to fit in with his peer group.

BERT (from "Sesame Street") - Bert is also passive, and prefers to be in his own world. He becomes annoyed if someone tries to involve him in their games, therefore disturbing his peace. Like many Aspergers, Bert has unusual obsessions, including pigeons, paper clips, and bottle caps. He also likes plain, simple food, like oatmeal.

CALVIN (from "Calvin and Hobbes") - It is obvious that Calvin is amazingly bright, hence his adult-like, complex speech and his ability to build exotic characters out of snow. As well, Calvin is not involved with other children at all and has no desire to be. He much prefers animals to people, and is known for his obsession with tigers.

AMELIA BEDELIA - This housemaid of the popular children's series by Peggy Parish is known for her literal-mindedness. For example, when she is asked to prune the hedges, she might stick prunes on them; when she is asked to draw the drapes, she will draw pictures of them, etc.

RAMONA QUIMBY - This young girl of the popular children's books by Beverly Cleary is also literal-minded. For example, on the first day of kindergarten, the teacher tells her to sit in a certain seat for the present, meaning "sit there for now". However, Ramona thinks that the teacher means she will get a present and is all excited. Of course, when she learns that that wasn't what the teacher meant, she is bitterly disappointed.

In addition, I perceive the narrator in Simon and Garfunkel's hit, "I Am a Rock", to be an Asperger. The person in the song has "no need for friendship; friendship causes pain". He is satisfied in his own world. Such was very much the case with me when I was a preschooler. I would sit, play, and run around by myself. I especially enjoyed playing in the sand. If other children tried to play with or talk to me, I felt they were trying to rouse me from my peace, and I wished they would leave me alone.

I am opposed of neurotypical people trying to turn us Aspergers into them, e.g., teaching social skills, trying to make us obsessed with ball games, etc., instead of airports and "Star Trek" episodes. It is like people from, say, Japan, trying to make Canadian cultures similar to Japanese cultures.

Strictly speaking, just as Harry Potter didn't fit into the Muggle (non-wizard) world but fit into the wizard world very well, Asperger people fit far better into the Asperger world than they fit into the neurotypical world.

URL: http://www.thestonkingsteps.com/asperger.htm

I put that title a bit awkward, I know, but if it's "my third week at school", it sounds like i'm a teen babling about her school life.

Well, actually i've been teaching for the third week. Let's see:

week 1: teaching speaking for 2 classes

week 2: four classes on Monday (incredible). + 2 on thursday

week 3: 4 classes again on monday (today)

Last night i was up preparing the lesson until 2 am. this morning i have to wake up at 6.30 while it's extremely comfortable sleeping. i was 5 mins late and went straight past my boss when she was talking non-stop. the beginning of the morning was terrible - forgot one of the tape at home have to think of another (boring) activity for students. They were so silent this morning - I feel like a fool standing there, saying things I don't know where they cam from - from my aspie mind. I was feeling so uneasy and had to use my strength to make me more confident. I started lecturing - whatever topic I can and relate to the lesson (education fees, IELTS cost etc.). The students stared at me. WTF, I really don't know what's in their mind. They must be thinking that I'm really dumb and stupid to say all the you-know-what-it-is facts.

Worse, in the second class, the vice monitor has some very strange actions. She mocked my behavior - the way I nodded my head to emphasize my commands. Phew, I felt dumber and dumber, standing in front of them like an idiot. I left the classroom, trying to say "goodbye, see you again", trying to appear NT.

I felt like a loser. Everytime I left a class I teach.

Then comes the afternoon. The students annoyingly stared at me. I applied the experience in the morning, lecturing again, don't care whether they're listening. Almost any topic that comes to my mind. Sometimes I can't use the structure fluently.

When in the last class, I did let my emotion reveal a little bit. I even don't care suppressing more, thinking I'll find another job. I cannot stand seeing so many people a day like that. In front of students I talk as if I haven't ever talked in my life. In front of my colleagues and senior colleagues + boss, i'm as quiet as a mouse, staring blankly at them.

I felt as if this work is killing me, squeezing every piece of energy and food I tried to fill in my stomach. Yes, you see, coming home my back seems like breaking b/c I've been standing long-hour for the day.

I was even on the very first step of the tenure - i'll be fired at anytime. several days ago, i thought of telling my boss that i'm an aspie (hell, she doesn't even the term) and ask her for accommodations. now i don't want to do it anymore. sooner or later, i'll be fired or i'll kick my own ass outta here b/c my conscience hurts each time I go to the class and preaching students those painful words.

(I'm sorry for swearing) this sucking living hell